“Eula Mathis – Women’s Center of Wake County”
This is a story about Mary, who is black and 35 years old. Mary began using drugs and alcohol at the age of 13. Her family life was chaotic, with a father who drank and mother who had difficulty being available emotionally for her child. Alcohol and drugs became Mary’s best friends. They numbed the pain and helped her sleep and face things that she preferred not to remember. They helped her to believe that boys really loved her when they abused her sexually, physically and emotionally.
When she gave birth to her daughters, she wanted love and to be needed. She discovered that she was not capable of meeting her children’s needs. The alcohol and drugs became more important than taking care of her children. After several warnings by the local human services office, her first daughter was taken from her and placed in foster care. Mary tried several times to follow the plans the social worker made for her but she could not do it. She could not provide shelter for herself or her daughter. She finally agreed that it would be best for someone else to parent her daughter but it broke her heart to let her daughter go.
Mary became pregnant again and was determined to not lose this daughter. The pattern of drinking alcohol, doing drugs, having abusive male relationships and being homeless continued. She was, however, able to work enough and stay clean and sober enough to not lose her daughter to foster care.
Mary became a frequent visitor at the Women’s Center day shelter and received financial assistance, bus tickets, and food pantry services. Staff members at the day shelter gave her support and messages that she could be whatever she wanted to be. She decided to go into an outpatient treatment center, while her daughter lived with a relative.
She came out of treatment and went back to alcohol and drugs. By this time, Mary’s daughter was 13 years old and the two of them went into an emergency shelter program. She went to outpatient groups regularly and became clean and sober again. She got an apartment through the housing authority but it was in a drug-infested area and her apartment was across the street from a store where drug dealers hung out. She was faced with the temptation everyday and could not resist it.
Mary continued to find herself in emotionally and physically abusive relationships. On a visit to the Women’s Center, after a physically abusive encounter, she asked for help in taking this man to court. Mary began to ask for more help with her problems. She was told about our Mentor Advocate program designed to help mothers and children. After several visits to the Center, she asked to join the program. I became her Mentor Advocate and together we began to make plans on how she could create changes in her life.
Addressing the needs of the mothers, the Women’s Center developed a support group called Inner Power and Freedom. In this group, we teach women meditation and give them an opportunity to be in a peaceful setting with music and candles. One of our facilitators introduced an audio tape, Songs For The Inner Child, by Shaina Noll.
Mary came to this support group and heard Shaina’s songs. The music brought forth tears and deep emotions. Mary said that when she heard the music, what she was feeling was the same as when she got high on drugs, and it gave her a feeling of peace that she did not want to lose. She made the decision that day to close down her apartment and go into an inpatient treatment program.
The hardest decision was how to handle the care of her 17-year-old daughter. Mary requested help with her daughter through the local human service agency but they told her that due to her daughter’s age there was nothing they could do. Mary sat in my office and explained to her daughter that she needed help and could not be the mother she wanted to be. Her daughter told her mother, “I know you are hurting and I want you to get help. Do what you have to do and I will be okay.”
Mary arranged for her daughter to live with a relative. She went into the treatment center and did her work. She asked to be placed in a house for women in recovery in another city; she knew too many drug dealers and they knew her. A substance abuse counselor drove her 200 miles away to another city. She located employment and stayed in a transitional home for women in recovery. She called me frequently and received support from me and the Women’s Center. She sends me beautiful letters and has told me many times how hearing Shaina Noll sing, “How could anyone ever tell you that you’re anything less than beautiful” led to recovery, self esteem and a peaceful feeling inside. She asked me to say to Shaina, thank you for your words and music.
Eula Mathis, M.S.W.
Mentor Advocate
Women’s Center of Wake County: a multi-resource center for women. Founded in 1976, it is a non-profit agency and part of the United Way Family. The Women’s Center’s three areas of concentration are counseling, education and basic needs. The primary population using their services are homeless, low-income and women in transition reaching women of all socioeconomic backgrounds. Programs include Mothering From the Soul support group for women and children, Inner Power and Peace support group, Partners in Change and Twinkles.